Now that ESPN (every sports pros nightmare) has laid down the news gauntlet by reporting this weekend on their ticker (I'm not kidding) "former player Charles Oakley, who lives near LeBron James says he thinks James will sign with the Heat or the Bulls," as news to the world, we here at ScrubSports feel it is our duty to inform the world of where James might end up in free agency knowing what we know that the public does not. Since the NBA games are over, oh wait they have 2 more rounds to go I thought it ended when his team lost? We will now inform you of everything we have heard and where it seems to point that gives us clues as to where James will be playing next year, the question that is keeping the world awake at night...... Follow the clues and form your own conclusions about what city he MIGHT end up in....
-James was once seen eating a cheese steak sandwich-PHILADELPHIA
-James likes to drive his car at a fast "pace"-INDIANA
-He usually gets his hair cut-LA CLIPPERS
-He has been known to wear gold chains and jewelry-DENVER NUGGETS
-He likes to listen to music-UTAH JAZZ
-He enjoys warm weather-MIAMI HEAT
-He's friends with NETS owner JAY-Z
-He once jumped in a lake as a kid-LAKERS
-He is often referred to as KING JAMES-Sacramento KINGS
-He wears number 23 like Michael Jordan who owns the BOBCATS but used to play for the BULLS....
-He likes the Yankees who are in the same city as the KNICKS.
After deciphering all those clues Bob feels that LeBron will probably end up in New York, not because of the fame or the fortune, or the fact that he watched Seinfeld as a kid, but for 2 reasons.
One, he can star in Spike Lee's movie "LeBron and The Losers" that will come out after the team goes 30-52 despite James playing like an MVP. Secondly, and more importantly, Isiah Thomas signed Jerome JAMES to a 5 year/$25 million contract with the Knicks and Jerome never averaged more than 3 points and 2 rebounds per game while making all that money. LeBron will want to go back to NY and restore glory to his last name.
Or he might stay in Cleveland, where he is the most popular athlete since Rik Vaughn led the Indians to a pennant in the late 80s before being run out of town, and having to change his name to Charlie Harper and write jingles for a living in Malibu. Or maybe LeBron will go play minor league baseball. I guess we could wait until July 1 when the signing period begins and see where he actually goes and then analyze it, but what would ESPN do until then cover real games and actual events? No Way.
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1 comment:
It would now appear that the President Obama drama surrounding 'Bron's impending free agency has added some little-needed flavor to the mix. Seriously, at what point did we start giving a crap what POTUS thought about a professional athlete's future? Is this all a result of Barry's love for roundball? I found it hilarious how the media kept talking about his skills, how Stu Scott and his lazy eye ham-handedly threw a game of 1-on-1. Did you ever see the highlights of POTUS hooping? Not at all impressive. But you know what is important? That shot of Helio "My Accountant and I are Sadly Misinformed About America's Income Tax Requirements" Castroneves sitting next to Marky Mark. Now THAT'S newsworthy.
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