FUTURE BCS MEMO REVEALED!!

TOP SECRET MEMO TO ALL BCS PRESIDENTS

COLLEGE FOOTBALL BCS 2014
What started as the Cornhusker defection in 2010, not to be confused with the Cornhusker Kickback of the ill fated Health Care bill, the BCS conferences have realigned into what we now know to be the future of major college football in America. The 4 regions of our land have each been divided into a major conference of football schools (basketball is another story) each playing their own conference tournament with the champions of the 4 leagues reaching what will become known as the Final Four. We now have setup the conferences after major reshuffling across the land:

THE EASTERN CONFERENCE:
West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, North Carolina State, Duke, Virginia Tech, Boston College, Connecticut, Syracuse, Maryland, Rutgers, East Carolina, South Carolina, Clemson, Penn State, and Pittsburgh. Television contract with ESPN.

THE MIDWEST CONFERENCE:
Michigan, Ohio State, Indiana, Purdue, Louisville, Cincinnati, Iowa, Wisconsin, Illinois, Michigan State, Northwestern, Minnesota, Missouri, Kentucky, Nebraska, and Iowa State.
Television contract with ABC game replays showed on the former Big Ten Network.

THE SOUTHERN CONFERENCE:

LSU, Alabama, Auburn, Florida, Tennessee, Vanderbilt, Arkansas, Georgia, Georgia Tech, Miami, Florida State, Kansas, South Florida, Mississippi, Mississippi St, and Kansas State. Television contract with CBS.




THE WESTERN CONFERENCE:

UCLA, USC, Colorado, Washington, Washington State, Stanford, Cal, Arizona, Arizona State, Texas, Texas A+M, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas Tech, Oregon, and Oregon State. Television contract with FOX.

(Each television contract will be paid out in excess of 4 billion dollars a year divided equally among the schools and the money cannot be used for anything other then sports budgets. At no time can any of this money be used for any type of educational materials or to further any liberal professor’s arcane view of the world, or the school will risk losing membership into their BCS conference with Notre Dame and Boise State waiting to jump into the next available slot.)

Each team in the 4 leagues will play 10 regular season games, 8 of which must be played in conference. Then starting the 3rd week of November, all 4 leagues will begin their 4 ROUND CONFERENCE TOURNAMENTS, with seeding to be determined by the regular season records. These games will be played at the higher seeded team's home stadium each weekend for 4 weeks, all games will be televised nationally, and games can be played on Thursday nights or on the Friday of Thanksgiving weekend, until all 4 leagues reach their Championship games on the same Saturday in December. These 4 games will be played at staggered starting times beginning at noon on that Saturday each televised on one of the 4 major networks listed above. Then the 4 champions of the conferences will then be given 2 weeks off and on New Year’s Day, the 2 FINAL FOUR games will be played at the pre determined bowl sites, with the National Championship game to be played the following weekend in primetime, rotating each year among the 4 networks. Teams that lose prior to their conference’s championship game can be selected for bowl games that will begin the week after Christmas and Kwanzaa have commenced so that celebrations are not disturbed. This new format will create 5 weeks of drama and excitement far greater then the NCAA basketball tournament and will allow all 64 teams in the BCS conferences a chance to play for the National Championship, rendering the polls, computers, and voting insignificant and useless. For those schools not listed above they can play in the secondary bowl games if they qualify, or a secondary invitational tournament may be set up if the funds can be raised. Naming rights for this tournament will be open to advertisers, but it will start out being called the NIT. There will also be a provision voted on in the future that if a BCS school goes winless, a special tournament among the top 4 non-BCS schools will be played during bowl season to replace that team in the BCS the following year so as to be democratic.

Please do not leak this memo to the media until 2014.

Tattoos in the workplace

I like tattoos.  I have a few myself and I can appreciate the artistry and effort that goes into a good piece of ink-work.  I also work in an office building where most people are required to dress in at least semi-casual attire.  So my own personal tats are usually covered up to a great degree.  And even if they were on display, they're of good quality, they mean something, and they're not offensive.  Now, when I refer to a tattoo as being offensive, I'm not talking abou tthe kind of stuff you expect to see from members of the Aryan Nation or anything.  I'm more offended by poor quality than I am way you choose to display your personal beliefs on your body.  And that's why the rash of bad ink I've been seeing at work is really starting to piss me off.  I don't know if we've been hiring from the work-release program of the women's prison or if it's just a coincidence that some of the new faces I've seen around tend to be sporting horrendous tattoos.  Of course there's the requisite stuff on the ankles and arms: flowers, names, blah, blah, blah.  But I also just saw a woman with a tiger climbing his way up her ample bosom.  And she also had a rose gracing her right forearm.  The work looked blurred, so it may have been there for a while.  But it just wasn't good, even when it was fresh.  But those two looked great compared to another one I just saw.  Now I can't say exactly what it was because I didn't take the time to examine the details.  But what I did see conjured up images of a drunk teenager with some cheap ink and cheaper machine practicing on an even more drunk teenager who thought it'd be a good idea to let a friend practice on them.  I think what I saw was an image of Sonic the Headgehog dribbing a basketball.  The color was poor, the lines weren't sharp, and the likeness to everyone's favorite SEGA superstar was vague.  But I guess the placement of it could have helped things; I mean, you can get a bad tat on your ass cheek and no one will ever see it.  But this one: no such luck.  It was right on the outside of her left arm, on the bicep.  Seriously?  I almost said something to her, I was so offended.  Instead, I struggled to contain a smile and laugh.  Most of us just live our mistakes over in our minds, but hers was on display for everyone to see anytime she didn't wear long sleeves.  As much as I am for personal expression, I would stand firmly behind management if they forced the girl to wear sleeves every day.  It's only right, really.